


Ridiculous

by Elvana



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Medieval, F/F, Fluff, In a forest, Meet-Cute, Sort Of, mekanic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvana/pseuds/Elvana
Summary: Brigitte is having a weird day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a one-shot but I decided to leave it hanging in case people want more lmao. I have a few ideas ;)

“This is ridiculous!”

Brigitte stopped to adjust her armour for what felt like the thousandth time that day. Her armour really was an impractical mess, made for looking good during ceremonies and literally nothing else. It’s shining steel plates had intricate gold linings worked over the edges and the whole thing was curved around her body to make it stand out. Not only that but she was also sporting a gaudy purple feather on the top of her helmet that flopped about in the wind, threatening to go into her eyes instead of staying where it was put like it was _meant to_. At least she wasn’t carrying the flag anymore, which she had tied off around her waist and draped over her hips at a diagonal. That being said, it was the same bright purple as the feather and so made her stand out even more. Honestly if anything attacked her right now she was well and truly done for.

Well no, that wasn’t entirely correct, she thought to herself as she hunched the straps of her shield back over her shoulders. Papa wouldn’t give anyone a piece of armour that wasn’t at least a little sturdy. Seeing as how he’d gushed over it when giving it to her, she suspected it was probably above average in terms of quality. Sometimes it paid to be the daughter to the Royal Blacksmith. Which meant that this would be perfect for duelling or jousting in a tournament, but was absolutely unsuited for trudging through a forest on a hot day.

So of course that was exactly what Brigitte found herself doing. All because her godfather was a complete sadist. He must be. Why else would she be out here? It definitely wasn’t because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut, or didn’t know when to back down. Admirably qualities most of the time but not so much when getting into an argument about a _clearly_ fictional plant with the knight in charge of her training. Who also happened to be her godfather.

“Brigitte I’ve seen them with my own two eyes, it brings me great pain to see you not believing me.” He had said in his thick accent, gesturing at the dusty old tome lying open on the table. On its pages was a sketch of a small cluster of mushrooms crudely painted blue and a sensationalist caption underneath reading “Beware!! Fungi of Prophecy! Do not e–” Brigitte rolled her eyes.

“Reinhardt you might hurt less if you’d stop running around after dragons all the time! And you expect me to believe that these toadstools can tell the future?” It wasn’t that Brigitte didn’t believe in magic, she just couldn’t believe that this was the first she was hearing about talking mushrooms if they did exist. Someone must have seen them in the intervening two hundred years or so.

“How else will I find out about their lives? They’re so fast, Brigitte! And they never slow down when I want to talk! And anyway, I expect you to believe me as your venerated godfather.” Even though he wasn’t serious Brigitte still let out a loud, exasperated sigh.

“The only evidence we have is from this bizarre book. Half of the words here have been replaced with drawings of _smiley faces_! It’s clearly nonsense!”

“Is it now?” Reinhardt broke out into a wide smile. “Well, seeing as how you’re so _confident_ , why don’t we have a little wager on it?”

She had, of course, accepted. Her _real_ armour was all black and metallic and it made her look _cool_ , OK? She knew at least one townsperson had swooned at the very sight of her. (If only in her daydreams). And it just happened to be undergoing some repairs today. The best that could be said of her current attire is that it wasn’t _literally_ a dress, despite having all the pageantry and flair of one. She shuddered. Actually the thought of doing this in a dress was a lot worse. Brigitte luckily never had to wear one again, having found an alternative that was at least semi-acceptable for the occasional events required of her as a member of the quasi-nobility.

And so here she was, boiling in armour and looking around the forest for some made-up plants. She could take some of it off, but “a knight must always be prepared” so she lumbered on, taking as many swigs from her water pouch as she could justify. Luckily the terrain was flat and the trees sparse, the only danger being tripping over an overly gnarled root.

It occurred to Brigitte that such a safe forest should have been a lot more well travelled, that these secret mushrooms would have been found years ago, if they truly existed at all. And yet there was no evidence that _anyone_ had been here in a long while. She hadn’t strayed from any path, she was fairly sure there wasn’t even a path to stray _from_. It was eerie, actually. There was barely any noise, the wind was rustling the leaves but where were the animal sounds? Brigitte raised her guard, carefully taking in her surroundings. Something was off here, her skin crawled involuntarily. She reached down to touch her mace, slung low under her right side, its presence a small comfort.

Despite the glaring sunlight, the woods looked darker now. The trees seemed to loom over her and they took on a sinister quality. The atmosphere had changed in a split second, and Brigitte began running through the fastest way to get herself somewhere defensible. If she was about to be ambushed she was going to be prepared. Her eyes darted around the treetops. She couldn’t see anything, not yet at least. But if she’d learnt anything during her years squiring, that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone, _something_ , waiting in the shadows to strike. Like Reinhardt hiding with an extra large snowball.

“Hiya!”

Brigitte whipped round to face the noise, her mace already in her hand and her shield half off her shoulder. As her brain caught up to her instincts she realised that she hadn’t heard a threat. It was in fact a rather cheerful voice coming from the branches of a nearby tree. She paused and looked up. A wide, mischievous smile greeted her in the form of a woman (or maybe a girl?) crouched on the widest arm of the tree. Irritation rose inside her.

“What do you think you’re doing? Don’t scare people like–” She stopped when she noticed the pink. Specifically the woman’s skin, which was entirely bright pink. Which meant that she wasn’t human.

“Aww, what’s wrong, rabbit got your tongue?” Said the woman, her grin somehow growing even larger.

“I…” Brigitte swallowed, considering her. “It’s cat.”

The pink woman tilted her head. “Your name is Kat?” She said, her eyebrows lowering to a confused expression. Brigitte was sure there was a slight tease in her voice.

“No, I mean...that is…what are you?”

“Don’t be so rude.” OK, that time she was definitely teasing her. “I am, of course, a gremlin! Can’t you tell?”

“Are gremlins usually pink?”

“Don’t be so racist!” She gasped. “Honestly you humans are so rude.”

“I’m….sorry? I meant no offence, it’s just….I’ve never seen one of your kind before. Wait...are those whiskers?!” At this point Brigitte was just stuck on incredulity as her default mood. This day was quickly descending into the bizarre. The gremlin, who Brigitte should definitely find out the name of, tilted her head and stroked along on of her whiskers with her left hand.

“Oh these? Is that why you thought I was a cat?”

“No I thought your name was Kat. Or my name was Kat. Or you thought or–” Brigitte pinched her nose. “What is it, by the way?”

“A cat? It’s a small furry–”

“Please stop.” The gremlin started to giggle.

“You’re so easy! It’s Hana. Now you don’t have to just call me ‘The Gremlin’.” The thought had occurred to Brigitte, like three seconds ago. As Hana hopped down out off her vantage point, Brigitte got her first real look at her.

Wow. She was _gorgeous_.

Her body was fluid, her slender limbs adjusting into a perfectly agile landing. Brigitte’s brain went straight to some interesting thoughts about flexibility. Hana looked up, adjusting her long silky hair with a flick, revealing a cute button nose, lips and _eyes_. Hana’s mouth was twisted into a smug grin that said ‘I know you’re looking, because how could you not?’ It didn’t help that what she was wearing was tighter than the average garment. Her vibrant skin almost glowed now that it was directly in the sunlight, and Brigitte had the distinct impression that she would develop spots on her retinas if she looked at her too long. There was a joke about being blinded by beauty here somewhere.

Aware that she was staring, Brigitte coughed and looked up into Hana’s face. Oh God there were the eyes again. She wasn’t sure what colour her face was at the moment, but it was somewhere in the vicinity of extremely red.

“I…” Brigitte started, without a plan of what to say except that she had to say _something_ , otherwise there was a real danger of her imploding in the immediate future. She took a breath. Pretty girls didn’t usually fluster her, at least not in this outward manner. There’d been other times when she’d been internally yelling wonderful gay nothings into the heavens, but still managing to keep her exterior cool when talking to a beautiful lady. This time however her mind was drawing a blank, and her mouth was following suit. She had to take a moment to collect herself again.

She sighed, knowing what to do. She stretched out her hand.

“Hey, nice to meet you! My name is Brigitte.”

“Brigitte, huh?” Asked Hana, her head tilting one side to other, assessing her. She took the offered hand. “Well that’s an unusual name! Is it human?”

“Uh...yes?” Had she just answered a rhetorical question? “So...Hana. Do you live round here then?”

“What you just _assume_ that because I’m a gremlin I live in the woods, is that it? You really are racist.” Brigitte still couldn’t tell if Hana was being sarcastic or if she genuinely was angry.

“Wha– No! _No_! I...I...I’m not, really I’m not! Ugh, I’m so so sorry if I’ve been offensive, or if I’ve insulted you–”

Hana was doing her best to suppress a grin, both lips curled in on themselves and clamped together to prevent them from bursting into a smile. Brigitte sighed.

“Look...I really am sorry. It’s just...it’s been a really long day. I’m...not sure I’m operating at full capacity if you know what I mean.” She scratched idly at the back of her neck. “I didn’t expect to run into anyone out here either, so I’m not really in the most social mood.”

“Aww. Don’t be sad, it was just a joke!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well if it’s any consolation, I didn’t expect to find a human wandering about here either. Most stay away. What _are_ you doing here anyway?”

“I’m on a quest!”

“Ooh, a quest! That sounds exciting! Why are you doing that?”

“Oh well I’m a knight, that’s kind of what we do!” Brigitte laughed. Oh no. What had she done. Why had she said she was a knight?! Ohh what if she brought her back to the castle and found out she was only a squire? Impulsive Brigitte was way worse than Flustered Brigitte.

Hana snorted with laughter. “No you’re not!”

“Yes I am! Almost...you know, I will be soonish.” Brigitte’s cheeks started to colour...again. “I really am here on a quest, but it’s...for a bet.” She continued rubbing the back of her neck, not quite sure how to explain the situation. Luckily this seemed to satisfy Hana, whose eyes came over with a determination to add to the humour.

“Ohh! That actually makes a lot of sense, LOL.” Whatever the ‘el oh el’ was, (a phrase or some sort of gremlin colloquialism?) Hana had moved towards her and was now darting around asking questions about the quest...bet...whatever.

“So what’s it for? Do you have to taunt the spirits of the Esoteric Orchard? Ooh ooh, do you have to pluck a branch from Orisa, The Sleeping Wood Spirit?” Hana suddenly spun round and rushed up to Brigitte, going on tiptoes until they were as face to face as they could get. (She was very short.) Hana’s voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper, as if there were anyone even remotely close to being within earshot. “Do you have to get some Unicorn dung?”

“Unicorn–? No! It’s a plant, alright? Like a mushroom or toadstool or something. It’s blue and it glows and I read about it in a book, and Reinhardt was all ‘Oh Brigitte, I know of that _glorious_ future-telling fungus! It would be _magnificent_ if you could get some.’ And even though I know it’s fake, I still have to–”

“It’s not.” Brigitte halted her arm-waving rambling and looked down at Hana.

“It’s not...fake?”

“Nope! I know where to get some.”

“It’s real and you know where to get some?” This was the best news Brigitte had heard all day. Or the worst. On one hand she’d lost the bet, on the other she wasn’t stuck trawling through trees anymore! She was so happy she let out a relieved laugh and lifted Hana straight off the ground to spin her round. It only took half a second to realise that she was hugging a stranger, and she looked up at her startled prey, (whose skin was now a curious dark purple colour.) Brigitte put her down as gently as she could manage, hoping that Hana would still lead her to the mushrooms (and not think she was weird.)

“Um, sorry about that, I just...get a little excited sometimes, heh.” If Brigitte hadn’t been blushing with embarrassment before, she was now.

“Uhh.” In an interesting change of pace, Hana was now the one who didn’t seem to be able to formulate sentences. “That’s...fine. Yeah, that’s...don’t worry about it!”

“So these mushrooms then, where are they? Can you, I mean if it’s not too much trouble, help me find them? Please? It would really help me out.”

“Of course! They’re only a few kilometres away.”

Her stomach sank, as she looked at the slowly fading sun. A few kilometres meant camping out in the forest for the night, something which was always uncomfortable. Or she could head back to the nearby town on the edge of the forest and resume in the morning.

“Oh right. Well we could meet back here tomorrow.”

“Or we could go right now? We can take my ride!” Brigitte wasn’t expecting that.

“You have a horse?” She asked, a little bewildered at how it had managed to traverse the brush.

“Um…Not really a horse. More of a…” Hana paused, considerate. “I guess you’ll see.” She smiled, gesturing for Brigitte to follow. She let out a sigh. She needed to get a grip. Hana was darting forward with excitement and Brigitte had to jog just to keep up. It didn’t take long to reach their destination.

Brigitte had seen a lot of weird and wonderful things in her time. It came with her chosen profession. That didn’t stop the sight before her being any less shocking. Her jaw actually, quite literally fell open.

In front of her, lounging next to a tree stump was a bunny rabbit the size of a cow.

Well...this was... _ridiculous_.


	2. Chapter 2

She held on tight. The wind whipped past and the trees blurred together. Her only coherent thought was that they were moving very quickly. And that was fine. Brigitte was fine on horses after all, what sort of knight would she be otherwise? One that didn't ride a horse, she supposed but that wasn't good enough for her. So she had learned to ride, trained as hard as she did with the blade, until it had become effortless. Which made it all the more frustrating that she wasn't managing to handle riding a gigantic bunny rabbit at all.

It was probably the up and down motion that did it, being much more pronounced on lagomorphs than it was on any _sensible_ creature. It wasn't turning her stomach per say, but there was some measure of uncomfort buzzing within her due to the motion. She squeezed her eyes shut. Closing them did seem to steady her a little. She tightened her grip around Hana’s waist just to be on the safe side. She tried not to think about how she had her arms around a stranger who she’d only met maybe half an hour ago.

In fact she tried not to think about a lot of things, least of all what this close proximity to the other girl was going for her heart rate. Maybe she couldn't feel it through the armour? Hmm.

Hana seemed blissfully unaware, though; her hands buried into the thick white coat of her mount and hollering loudly whenever a big jump came around. Before they got on she hadn't really explained where they were going. She had seemed energetic and over excited, like she was in a rush to get there. This hadn't bothered Brigitte at the time, but right about now she'd appreciate a time estimate to take her mind off of it. Her hindsight was screaming at her for being such a fool. Oh well, you live and learn, she thought to herself, as long as you _do_ live.

“Isn't this great?” Hana yelled. Brigitte could only whimper in response, adjusting the grip of her sweating palms on Hana’s tunic. The response was a giggle vibrating into her body, which only made Brigitte groan louder and more pointedly.

After only ten or fifteen minutes, a time period now seared into Brigitte's brain as 'too long’, they slowed to a halt near a small clearing in the forest. The setting sun had bathed the area in a beautiful orange-purple haze that cast long, black shadows over the grass. Branches hung low from a massive and ancient tree that dominated the scene.

“Woah girl, easy” Hana said, patting the huge rabbit, before leaping off with another carefree gymnastic leap. Brigitte sort of slid off in a decidedly ungraceful display, just about managing to land on her feet. She wobbled a little on her first steps. The image of a newborn deer came uncomfortably close to the mark. Hana looked back at her with a smirk.

“Holding together back there?” She bounced on her heels impatiently. “Cmon! Hurry up.”

Brigitte shot her an exasperated look. “For someone so tiny, you sure have a lot of energy.”

“Wha-! Hey, who are you calling tiny? Just because you’re all big, and...um, strong and…” Hana trailed off, and quickly turned her face away. Well that was an interesting reaction. Brigitte filed it away for later. “Anyway...err…you’ve gotta come see this!”

As she scampered off, seemingly unable to contain herself, Brigitte followed at a walking pace. The spot had a sort of lively quality to it, despite only a handful of fauna. It was more that the trees, flowers, and even the grass moved and swayed in such a lively way that made them feel alive, as if they could start moving and talking without changing the general atmosphere of the place. While Brigitte took in her surroundings, Hana was focused on the underside of the large tree at the other edge of the clearing. When she got there she looked beside herself, like she expected Brigitte to have run along with her. She spun around and waved to Brigitte from, gesturing for her come over.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” Brigitte said, as she lumbered up to her. “So where are these mushrooms then?”

Hana broke into a huge grin, the pointed edges of her teeth glinting slightly in the fading daylight, accentuating her beauty. That was _hot_. It made Brigitte slightly nervous. What if this had been a trap that she’d let herself get led into? She couldn’t complete the thought though, as Hana had already dropped to the ground and started rustling through the brush that gathered in the shade of the ancient tree. Without looking up she raised her hand to beckon Brigitte to join her. Hana held green leaves back to reveal the target of her quest, and the reason she’d lose this particularly outlandish bet.

“Well...they certainly glow.” She said, unsure whether she should feel relieved or disappointed by this discovery.

“Haha! They sure do! So, this is what you were looking for right?” Brigitte nodded. “Yeah! We did it!” Hana held out her pink hand tightly bound into a fist. It wasn’t a punch, but it hung there as Brigitte tried to work out what sort of gremlin ritual this was supposed to be. Slowly she brought her own palm forward and closed it round the other, shaking it up and down. She gave herself a slight nod of satisfaction for figuring it out. She didn’t notice the way Hana’s lips parted slightly at the action.

The mushrooms are what held Brigitte’s attention. They were not notably any larger or smaller than other fungi, a soft greyish colour coated the stems and undersides, and they really did exude a muted blue glow from asymmetric spots dotting the surface of the cup. The light, which pulsated slowly, was hardly noticeable and from a distance they would look unremarkable. She suspected if Hana hadn’t known an exact location for them, she never would have found any. Plucking one from the cluster, she lifted it into the sunlight towards her face to get a closer look. Apart from the possibly magical light, she saw no evidence that they could induce visions of the future through mere ingestion. Of course, she had been wrong about their very existence and accepted the very real possibility that looks were deceiving.

She turned back to Hana, who was still sporting a triumphant grin. She was fiddling with her hair by running through it with her hands, making it shimmer. She pushed the mushroom towards her.

“These can really tell the future?” She asked cautiously.

“Uh...what do you mean?” Hana replied, apparently genuinely confused.

“Well, the tome I read said that these can give you visions, of what may yet pass. Is that how they work?”

Hana snorted.

“I mean...I guess you could say that, sure.”

“Amazing!” Brigitte replied, not too concerned with the outburst of amusement. It was fairly enticing, actually. She went to put it in her mouth. Hana jumped over to knock it out of her hand, which had the added effect of pushing her over and landing on top of her. After a second of doing her own impression of a deer, Hana scrambled off of the knight who now lay flat on her back.

“You don’t want to do that, trust me. Those shrooms are _really_ strong. Like, _really, really_ strong.”

Brigitte blinked. In retrospect, just stuffing a random magical item into her mouth wasn’t the smartest move, it was this sort of thing that had earned her swift chastisements by her parents when she was a child. The tendency to look before you leap was a common flaw among knights, herself included, and had led her to accepting an invitation from a woman in the woods without much consideration. As she stared up at she deep red sky, she wondered how far the nearest inn was, and how to get there, now that she was stranded in an unknown location deep inside the forest. At least she had the fungus, or would do If Hana stopped slapping then away.

“Uhh...hello? You still OK down there?” Hana had stood up, and was peering over Brigitte’s body apprehensively. “I didn’t...hurt you or anything, did I? Umm...how many fingers am I holding up.”

She brandished two fingers in a peace sign and stretched her hand into Brigitte’s face. Brigitte’s eyes flick over and she grunted. She grabbed the hand, which prompted a yelp from Hana, and hauled herself into a sitting position.

“I’m not concussed, don’t worry.” She said in what she hoped was a reassuring manner, and stood up. Hana seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, anyway.

“I still need one of those, though.” She said, pointing to the mushroom patch. “And...um...if you know anywhere that I could stay the night? That...that would be really great, too.”

“Oh!” Hana replied, rubbing at the back of her neck. “Well...you could always come back with me...if you don’t mind, that is?” Her skin seemed a little purple again. Maybe it was just the sunset. “My village is really close, actually, and it wouldn’t be any trouble honestly!”

Here we go, prime flirting material! Now _this_ Brigitte knew how to work with.

“Oh my, how bold! Inviting me back to your home? We haven’t even–” She stopped midway through the thought, not because Hana was staring at her, (possibly embarrassed, possibly intrigued, maybe both, only time would tell), but instead because she had a sudden realisation.

“Wait a minute!” She exclaimed. “If you live nearby, then that _does_ mean you live in the woods!”

“Oh, um...haha, yeah.” Hana replied, sheepish.

“So why did you give me grief about it?” Brigitte wasn't actually mad, the wide smile on her face gave that much away.

“Well...it was really funny? Teasing you?” Brigitte flushed at that. “I mean, I can leave you here if you'd rather? I'm sure the wolves wouldn't mind.”

“No, ah, that's OK, I'd love to come with you, honest!”

“Yay! Alright, we just gotta hop back on Meka. Think you can handle it a second time?”

“Pfft, of course! It's pie.” Brigitte said, waving her hand up and down.

“Um, it's not? It's a rabbit. Do you only think about food?”

She would have argued, tried to explain the idiom, but instead realised that she _was_ in fact hungry, a fact thalt may have contributed to her attempted mushroom consumption.

Some pie would be really good right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one! I hope you don’t mind the ending, I kinda wanted to separate Hana's village into a separate chapter. Yes, Hana's rabbit is called Meka!
> 
> This fic isn’t going to be a long one, only a few more chapters I think :)
> 
> Oh, I also have a [tumblr](http://www.thegirlwhostumbled.tumblr.com/), so feel free to come have a chat!


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